I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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