is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
