Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
