He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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