If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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