look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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