his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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