if you like me you must not know who I am
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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