for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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