just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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