If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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