if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
