I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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