I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
