glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
