Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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