Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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