i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Use "feeling words"
Yay
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
