I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
