Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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