never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
