porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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