So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
