i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
