evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
