Got a toothbrush?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
