Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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