Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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