He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
