sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
