we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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