theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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