If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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