I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I could make wine with my vomit
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want to be your penis for a week.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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