I will die if light touches me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
