sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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