Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
