This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
