the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
