I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
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