I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
