I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
