I hope mine doesn't look like that
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize