no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
