There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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