i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
