He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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