i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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