i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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