I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He uses pillows to masturbate.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
