You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
