I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize