she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
only you would photoshop your dick
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
