I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
