Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You just made me feel so damn special
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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