I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
