can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
