im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize