i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Enjoy the penises
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