I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
