You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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