i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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