i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
