the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
