i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize