"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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