Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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