I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
