just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
