Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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