69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
