Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
