Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
