we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
