Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
