Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
